Yes, yes, events were already in full swing before the parade of nations, but it never hurts to suspend your disbelief for the sake of sports.
It was another busy night in Pyeongchang, South Korea — OK it was afternoon over there, but night and the wee hours in Canada — so here's a quick recap of all the important news you might have missed courtesy of one sleep-deprived scribe:
The 1st gold
Swedish cross-country skier Charlotte Kalla won the women's 15-kilometre skiathlon to earn the first gold of the Games. Kalla finished ahead of 37-year-old Marit Bjoergen, who became the most decorated female Winter Olympian of all time with her 11th career Olympic medal (six gold, four silver, one bronze).
Finland's Krista Parmakoski completed the Scandinavian sweep.
All four Canadian men secured spots in the final, headlined by a high-flying duel between Max Parrot and Mark McMorris. Parrot topped McMorris to finish first overall in qualifying, while Sebastien Toutant and Tyler Nicholson executed solid runs as well.
Norway matched Canada with four qualifiers for Saturday's 8 p.m. ET final, so get ready for a jingoistic jamboree...
Canada's mixed doubles curling team of Kaitlyn Lawes and John Morris won their draws against Switzerland and OAR on Saturday to extend their winning streak to five straight.
That's 5 in a row for @LKLawes and @johnnymocurler! They're 5-1 in mixed doubles round-robin play, alone atop the standings after beating OAR.
The victories clinched a playoff berth for the duo.
Canadian snowboarder Laurie Blouin will be re-evaluated by team medical staff a day after suffering an apparent head injury in training. A team spokesperson said Saturday that Blouin may still compete.
Hamelin falls short
Defending short track speed skating Olympic champ Charles Hamelin and Canadian contender Samuel Girard missed the men's 1,500 podium.
Girard finished fourth, while Charles Hamelin received a penalty for impeding.
Figure skating team event: Canada has an early lead after the men's and pairs short programs. The competition continues at 8 p.m. ET with the ice dance short program, followed by the women's short and pairs free skate.